


Babysitting Noah

by three_piece_suit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Adorable, Barba Babysits Noah, Fluffy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 23:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3400502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/three_piece_suit/pseuds/three_piece_suit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the squad gets a call and has to go out on the job, Sergeant Benson needs to find a babysitter quick. Since Rafael Barba is standing right next to her, she puts him in charge of her son. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babysitting Noah

This time, however, the coffee was too hot and when the toe of his black Oxfords tapped against the last step on his way into the precinct he swore as the coffee splashed back onto his wrist, probably now staining his white cuffs. He swore again to the amusement of a passing officer who held the door open for him. He gave him a nod in his haste and checked in, wanting to at least reach the elevator before he dealt with the coffee situation. Hopping in at the last minute as a hand held the door for him, he scrambled in, the button for SVU’s floor already having been pressed. He followed the hand up to its owner.  
  
“Detective Amaro. What a surprise.” Nick half smiled, personally amused by Barba’s haste.  
  
“Lose a fight with your cappuccino, counselor?” Barba’s smirk faded as he remembered the coffee issue, his hand stained and white Starbucks cup now darkly stained on one side. Barba needed a way to get the conversation back in his favor as they reached the first stop.  
  
“Actually, yes, thanks for offering,” and he handed the cup and his leather case to Nick who, in his surprise, didn’t have an opportunity to object. Meanwhile, as the doors closed again, Barba pulled back the sleeve of his black jacket to reveal a damp black blazer and a stained cuff underneath. He swore. Again. This time more under his breath since he was in closer contact with others. This momentary lack of composure delighted Nick and his smirk returned.  
  
“Thanks detective,” Barba added with a sarcastic smile and took back his beverage and bag which had left a small stain on Nick’s hand now. They stepped off on SVU’s floor and silently walked together into the squad room.  
  
“What now?” Barba’s sharp tongue interrupted the talk at the table as he approached. Amanda, Fin, and Sonny snapped their attention to the two as they entered. Nick suppressed rolling his eyes.  
  
“Well,” Nick started, wanting to take a little of his pride back from the elevator incident, “the sick bastard wasn’t just bluffing.” Amaro came around Barba and indicated files spread out on the table in front of the team. “This guy has been sending these pictures of random kids at the park to us for months. Each one has some type of sick, sexual saying on them.”  
  
“But,” Amanda interjected, “none of them are personal threats against the kids so there’s no reason to go after the guy.”  
“None of the kids are looking at him,” Fin fished around the table for other examples, “and he’s not interacting with them so technically he’s not doing anything wrong.”  
  
“I mean,” Sonny, relaxing in his chair, chewing on a Twizler, “I would charge him with being a sick-o-path if I could.”  
  
“Is that a new charge they’re teaching at Fordham? How innovative,” Barba snapped back at Sonny’s prowess, “but Fin’s right. I can’t charge anything.”  
  
“Well hold on counselor, it’s worse,” Amanda stood up and picked up a closed folder and presented it to Barba. “This just came in.”  
  
Knowing this wasn’t going to be pretty, Barba flipped open the folder. Inside was an image of a dead five or six-year-old child and typed across the photo was I’d like to hold him when he’s cold. Barba felt his jaw clench and bile churn in his stomach. Suddenly the coffee incident seemed like years ago. He suppressed saying choice words. Without losing his composure he quickly switched his mind back to business mode.  
  
“Is there any way to tie…”  
  
“Way ahead of you, counselor,” Fin presented Barba with another picture, this time is was of a boy around the same age at a park and his mother was zipping up his jacket on a snowy day. The caption eerily read I’d like to hold him when he’s cold.  
  
Again, the sickening feeling began to take over but Barba pushed it down, blinking a couple times before tearing his eyes away from the image and focusing on Fin.  
  
“Any idea who this sicko is?”  
  
Before Fin could answer, Olivia bustled in through the precinct doors, Olivia in her arms and a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. Her hair was tied up in a quick ponytail and she had a minimal amount of makeup on. Her nose was red from both hurrying and being cold.  
  
“I’m sorry guys. My sitter is not answering my calls.” The squad stood motionless, waiting for instructions from their sergeant. “We have to get moving though. We have a new threat on a child.” Immediately the squad members began gathering their coats. Standing next to Barba, Olivia took a deep breath, “Fin, Rollins, the child in that photo’s body has been found. I want you to meet CSU at the scene. Amaro, Carisi, we have a lead on the new threat. They recognize the playground in the photo. Follow up with Thomas downstairs and he’ll get you the address.”  
  
“On it, serge,” Nick nodded.  
  
“Nick,” Olivia added, “I’m coming with you.” The squad froze mid-jacketing and stared at Noah.” Slowly, Olivia turned to look at Barba.  
  
Sudden realization dawned on him. He dropped the folder on the table. His eyes grew wide and he cocked his head. “Olivia… you know better than to “  
  
She looked exasperated, “Barba, come on. There’s a child’s life at stake.”  
  
Never short for quick comebacks, “Well, you’re about to put another child’s life at stake, you realize that right?”  
  
“Guys, get in the squad cars, I’m on my way.” The team didn’t stick around to see how the Noah scene played out and headed out. Olivia headed into her office with Barba reluctantly trailing.  
  
“Look it’s not that hard. He needs a nap anyway. Plus I have everything you need right here in this bag.” She dropped the bag on her desk, turning on the lights. Barba stood in the doorway as if entering would transmit a disease.  
  
“Olivia,”  
  
“Barba, there’s no other choice.” Ever to the point, the sergeant would get what she wanted. She grabbed her gun out of her desk and NYPD windbreaker hanging on the coat hook and tucked her badge in her belt. Barba looked over at Noah sitting on the office couch, chewing on his hand which was now as wet as Barba’s was when he spilled his coffee. “Noah!” Her child-voice was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard, “You are going to be a good boy for uncle Rafi aren’t you?!”  
  
“Oh come on, is that necessary…”  
  
After kissing him on the head she approached Barba with a smile. “I’ll buy you scotch!” As if this day wasn’t weird enough already, she reached in and gave Barba a quick kiss on the cheek before patting him on the shoulder, and dashing out of the precinct.  
  
Barba stood in disbelief. “Okay,” he said to himself, taking a deep breath, talking to himself. “I’m here. At SVU. Alone. With a child. I need my coffee.” He turned to get his bag and coffee from the table with the folders but froze. “Oh god, can I…can I leave and get that?” Noah rolled onto his side which progressed to his stomach. “Oh god don’t roll off!” Barba dashed forward and caught him under the arms. A drool line stretched from Noah’s hand, mouth, couch, and now Barba’s black jacket. “Okay, I’m on my knees. In SVU. Alone. Holding Olivia’s child. And I still need my coffee. Okay,” he looked around the office. The diaper bag! There must be toys! “Gotta get the bag!” Analyzing the situation for a moment. He did as Olivia did and picked Noah up so he was riding on his hip, with his right arm around his body. This is actually pretty comfortable. After some struggling, he got to his feet and went for the bag. Inside was everything someone would need for a child. Thank you Liv! But then he froze in sudden realization. He suddenly was back to being an ADA putting evidence together to make a case. Olivia was the one who called him in even though they didn’t have the guy in custody knowing she would have to leave with them and still brought Noah with a fully packed bag with snacks. She planned this all along. He swore. Right afterwards he glanced down at Noah to see if he noticed the bad word but in his deductive state he failed to notice Noah gnawing at his shoulder. Great. Glancing around he picked the bag up off the table and placed it on the floor along with Noah who could sit up by himself now. Barba picked out a small plush giraffe and a plastic key ring and placed them in Noah’s hands. He was immediately stupefied by these objects which bought Barba some time. As Noah figured out these wonders of the world, Barba slowly backed away and dashed out of the office. He zigzagged through the desks and grabbed his bag and now-probably-cold coffee and booked it back to the office. You’d think he was gone a year. Noah was now sideways on the ground and he had sneezed. Snot bubbled out of his nose and he had lost his toys and was more interested in trying to eat the snot.  
  
“Oh shit shit shit,” Barba quickly placed his coffee on the desk and dropped his bag. He grabbed a handful of tissues and bent down, picking Noah upright again. “Oh this is gross. I should have a secretary for this.” Knowing Noah wasn’t going to like this part very much, he hurriedly wiped the snot from under his nose. Noah objected loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” but he had to go back in for another wipe. This time Noah tried to push his hand away and grew angry but Barba quickly got the rest of the snot off before tossing the tissues in the trash can under Olivia’s desk. He picked up the giraffe and keys and placed them back in Noah’s lap which became the best things in his life. Barba breathed again.  
  
He finally had a moment to close the office door and take off his coat which was coffee and spit soaked now. He hung it on the coat rack where Olivia’s NYPD windbreaker was. He pulled off his blazer and hung it on the back of her chair. This revealed his coffee-stained white shirt cuff. He was going to swear again but remembered the small ears in the room. Being behind Olivia’s desk put him out of view of Noah for the moment, he could hear the sounds of chewing and curiosity as Noah played with the giraffe as if it was the first time he’d ever seen it. Knowing he’d probably have to get back down on the floor at some point, he removed his vest and loosened his tie. I don’t get paid enough for this. At least maybe I can get some work done. He pulled out Olivia’s office chair and drew over his leather bag, excising a stack of case files. Before he had a chance to sit down, the giraffe suddenly appeared on the floor on the left side of her desk. Apparently Noah was trying out for a baseball team. He paused before rounding the desk where he saw Noah pointing to the giraffe which was now a couple feet from him.  
  
“You got a nice arm there, champ.” He picked up the giraffe with a smile and placed it back in Noah’s lap. He was now sitting lopsided. That won’t do. He picked up the diaper bag and placed it behind Noah and then let him sit back against it and he rattled the plastic keys in his hands and smacked them against the giraffe. “I hope that’s not a female giraffe ‘cause I’d have to bring you up on charges for that.” Barba’s quip went unnoticed. He shook his head and returned to the chair, opening his leather notebook to his case notes. Noah raised his cooing and the giraffe appeared at Barba’s feet followed momentarily by the keys. I’m never going to get any work done this way. He bent down and picked up the two objects from under the desk and rounded the table again. In that time without his toys Noah had found the strap of the diaper bag which he was now happily slobbering on. Barba had a sudden thought of a tiny straightjacket but shook it off with a laugh.  
  
“Do you want different toys? Okay, let’s see.” Getting down on his knees in front of Noah, he reached over him into the diaper bag. Suddenly he felt his neck being pulled down. He obviously hadn’t planned this out well enough. Noah had gotten a hold of his navy blue and yellow tie and reached it up to his mouth. He had just gotten it up to his lips when Barba pulled it quickly from his hands. Not a good idea. Noah let out a wail and put his head back in protest. “Okay, alright, alright,” and Barba handed his tie back. Immediately the tantrum was over. As Noah immediately placed the tie in his mouth, Barba’s mind made a mental note of when he could ask his secretary to take today’s entire suit to the dry cleaners.  
  
His eye caught bright colors in the bag which turned out to be what looked like a piano with only four keys. The tie still caught up in Noah’s mouth, he reached over him and pulled the small piano out of the bag and set it in front of him, crossing his legs so he could join the child on the floor. With the bright colors and familiar toy placed in front of him, Noah dropped the tie like a bad habit. Curious about the object himself, Barba pressed one of the brightly colored keys and it made a loud dinging sound. Noah immediately remembered how this toy worked and threw his hand on all the keys at once. They loudly clanged over and over but Noah seemed to enjoy the obnoxious noise. While he was preoccupied with this, Barba took note of his tie which had a nice dripping wet spot on the end now.  
  
While Noah banged away, he glanced in the diaper bag behind him. Snacks! Now the day got better! Olivia had packed two little baggies with infant snacks in them. Picking them both up caused the sound of the rustling plastic to alarm Noah to the presence of food. His head turned up and Barba lifted them over his head and his eyes grew wide. He made an “o” shape with his mouth.  
  
“Hungry, are we? I agree.” The first baggie had what looked like small, pink Hershey kisses and the second had what looked like round cheese puffs without the cheese. Noah, now ignoring his toy, stared at the baggies. He started flapping his arms up and down.  
  
“Which would you like first?” Barba held out both baggies in front of Noah and let him decide. He chose the pink snacks and grabbed the bag from the front in his fist and started whacking it on the small piano.  
  
“Not quite how that goes,” Barba smiled and realized he would need to give him one at a time. He went to take the baggie back but Noah had made quite a fist around the plastic and was not letting go.  
  
“Okay but you’re not going to get anything out that way.” Barba had to use two hands to get the baggie away from him which turned out to be just as bad as taking away his tie earlier. “I know, I know, I’m so mean.” Barba quickly took out a pink piece and smelled it. Yogurty. He handed it to Noah. “It seems that you can find your own mouth, right?” Noah’s eyes dried quickly and he brought the yogurt piece to his mouth, reaching his head forward to meet it which almost caused him to fall forward. Barba moved to catch him but he sat back quickly enough against the diaper bag. While Noah concentrated on his treat, Barba took the opportunity to pick out a sample for himself.  
  
“Hmm,” he said to Noah, “lacks flavor but not bad.” Of course Noah didn’t care. He was busy gnawing away himself. Barba watched his concentration while he slipped himself another one. Noah finished and searched him for another.  
  
“Let’s try this one.” Barba opened the other baggie and sampled one of the puffs himself before handing one quickly to Noah who used all of his focus to bring it into his mouth.  
  
“Again, needs more flavor.” Noah didn’t seem to mind the lack of gourmet cuisine. Barba watched in amusement as Noah ate while he unconsciously popped another puff in his mouth. And then another.  
  
He jumped when he heard his phone ring from inside his jacket pocket. He reached behind him from his position on the floor and pulled his cell phone from the right pocket of his jacket hanging on the coat hooks. Oh thank God, it’s Olivia.  
  
“I-“  
  
“Counselor, is my son still alive?” Olivia was definitely talking while she walked. He could hear the wind bustling through the receiver on the phone.  
He smiled, letting a group of one-liners come into his mind but knowing her stress level was probably already through the roof he tried to lighten the mood. “These yogurt-thingies are quite good.”  
  
There was a pause and then a heavy sigh on the other end. “Good, I’m on my way back,” and she clicked off the phone. His smile held thinking about how motherhood had lightened her affect, though she needed to maintain her tough-girl-sergeant-demeanor while on the job. Noah was reaching for another snack. Barba cocked an eyebrow. “I’ll race you to see who finishes the bag faster.” Noah looked like he wanted to take the challenge. He reached for Barba’s tie again, the colors apparently appearing to be a new snack. “Let’s stick with these,” and he handed him two puffs this time, one for each hand. He watched carefully to make sure Noah only ate one at a time. As he put the one in his left hand in his mouth, Barba took liberty of the yogurt drops. Noah apparently wasn’t pleased by his babysitter taking advantage of him and he threw the puff from his right hand at Barba, narrowly missing him.  
  
“Well I’m sorry your mom didn’t pack caviar,” Barba teased, popping another yogurt piece before reaching aside to pick up the thrown puff. Meanwhile Noah took the liberty of returning to the small piano and pounded his hands down on the keys. Barba jumped involuntarily, not expected the noise. “Dinner and a show, I see. I should have brought my tux.” As he tossed the spoiled puff in the trash and reached for another one it suddenly dawned on him, “I’m talking to an infant. Out loud. Right now.” He double-checked that the door to the office was closed and no one could hear him make a fool of himself. Noah didn’t seem to mind however, or care for that matter.  
  
Barba smiled as he banged away and decided that there needed to be more options. Reaching into the diaper bag, he rooted around for the rest of the toys included. He pulled out two books, one normal-like, and one made of plastic with soft stuffing, a lion plush which was similar in size to the giraffe, and a group of wooden blocks.  
  
Barba scooted back and set out all the toys in front of Noah. This was apparently a changing moment in Noah’s life. The choices seemed overwhelming. So much to do! Noah’s eyes roved over the selection but what seemed to interest him most was not a toy but Barba’s pants, which he had pulled up a bit so he could sit cross-legged on the floor, revealed a pair of bright purple and silver striped socks. They became Noah’s new mission in life and his eyes locked on them.  
  
“The socks? Really? Look at all this…!” But Noah had made up his mind. He lunged forward towards them but was too far away to reach. He fell forward, right on top of the wooden blocks and Barba heard his forehead hit the one closest to him. Barba shot forward to pick him up but was too late. There was a silent, pensive moment and then it came. The wail. The painful, murderous wail of death. Barba’s eyes grew round and some type of instinct kicked in in this moment of disbelief. He quickly grabbed Noah from under the shoulders and lifted him into his lap.  
  
“Noah, no, don’t…please don’t cry!” But it was way too late for that. Noah sounded as though he had just been decapitated. Barba realized he needed more drastic action before someone from the squad room thought a person was being tortured in the sergeant’s office. He brought himself up to his feet, Noah with him, and put his left arm under his behind and the other around his back to cradle the back of his head. He did a quick check to see that there was no visible injury but would probably be a small bruise later, and brought Noah against his shoulder and nuzzled him into his neck. The scream in his ear was deafening but something told him this was the quickest way to bring the episode to a close.  
  
“Well, I can’t sing but maybe a story will help?” he paced back and forth across the office, gently bobbing up and down, his left hand padding Noah’s behind. “So one time I was prosecuting this case and the judge was a complete assh-“ he paused, “meanie.” Noah continued to cry over his words but he kept going, not having any other idea what could help. “But I knew this guy was guilty and I thought about giving him a plea but I just wanted to see his ass, oops, self behind bars for the rest of his life. So last day of the trial and the defense brings in this expert witness and I knew it was going to be bad,” Noah’s cries had died down to a slow, steady blubber, “and then I recognized the witness who walked in the room. He was a doctor and I had seen him when I went to Harvard! So I asked for a recess until the next day and, because it was late, I got one.” Noah was whimpering now. “So I go back to my office and call a shi, uh, ton of contacts and find out that the guy had said he went to Harvard and mislead everyone to think that he graduated there but he didn’t. He attended but didn’t do well and had to drop out and finished his medical degree from another university. I thought about telling the judge or defense but, man, I really wanted this guy in jail so I waited until the next day and came up with my line of questioning to discredit him.” Just sniffles now. “So we get in the courtroom and defense does their direct and then I get to cross and I pretended I had regular questions for him at first because I knew the jury wouldn't remember it unless it was the last thing they heard and so I started questioning him about school and, well you had to be there. Completely discredited the guy. Jury laughed him off the stand. His whole testimony was thrown out and I…”  
  
The door swung open before he could finish his story. “SHHH!” Barba scolded. Olivia froze in the doorway. Barba stood on the other side of her desk, Noah in cradled up against his chest, his head in Barba’s neck, drooling on his white shirt, sound asleep. “I’m just getting to the good part,” he whispered.  
  
Olivia folded her arms. “You drugged him, huh?”  
  
“Medical examiner brought me up some chloroform. Worked like a charm.”  
  
Olivia tried to suppress her laughter but she couldn’t. She made her way over to the pair. “Rafael, I’m impressed.”  
  
“Please tell me he’s still breathing.” Olivia really laughed at that one. But then her smile faded.  
  
“Has he been crying?”  
  
Barba’s heart dropped. “Well, he accidently hit his head-“  
  
Olivia panicked, “Hit his head on what?!”  
  
Barba rushed to his own defense, “The blocks!” he pointed. “Probably won’t even bruise. Subpoena me.”  
  
Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. Movement caught Barba’s eye and he focused past Olivia into the doorway of her office. Fin, Amanda, Nick, and Sonny stood squeezed in the frame, losing their minds in laughter. Barba tried to not let his face turn red and he passed Noah back off to Olivia. He stayed asleep during the changing of the guard and Barba quickly gathered his files, leather bag, threw out his now-cold-coffee, threw on his vest and blazer and pulled his coat on. The squad members were only silent because Noah was sleeping close by.  
  
Barba pushed himself through them and into the squad room. The team followed on his heels.  
  
Nick, of course, started them off. “Nice tie, Mr. Barba.”  
  
“Going for the drool look?” Amanda couldn’t help herself.  
  
“Guys, leave him alone,” Fin started, “it’s not his fault his cologne can’t cover the diaper smell.” The squad lost it.  
  
Sonny wiped his eyes, “Was it nice having someone to talk to who listened better than your clients?” Laughter exploded.  
  
Barba smiled to himself as he marched out of the squad room. “I’m suing all of you!” he called back.  
  
“Rafael!” Olivia emerged from her office after him. The squad instantly silenced as he turned to face her. “I didn’t forget. Thank you.”  
  
She lifted up an 18-year-old bottle of scotch.


End file.
